{"id":208,"date":"2013-03-01T03:35:54","date_gmt":"2013-03-01T03:35:54","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/mediafunhouse.com\/blog\/?page_id=208"},"modified":"2020-12-07T02:58:49","modified_gmt":"2020-12-07T07:58:49","slug":"astro-zombies-doll-squads-and-corpse-grinders-the-wild-world-of-ted-v-mikels","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/mediafunhouse.com\/?page_id=208","title":{"rendered":"Astro Zombies, Doll Squads, and Corpse Grinders: The Wild World of Ted V. Mikels"},"content":{"rendered":"

(First published on time.com and used with the written permission of the author and publication of first instance.)<\/span><\/p>\n

By Ed Grant<\/span><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Now that the superslick, pastel-colored, amply-budgeted, big-screen rendition of \u201cCharlie’s Angels\u201d has been released, the time has come to re-evaluate the television series that inspired the movie, and set off the gals-with-big-guns-and-even-bigger-hair trend for a short time in the late ’70s. Let\u2019s abandon for a second the sentimental memories that have now transformed the show into a top-notch action series, and remember “Charlie’s Angels” as it truly was: a pathetically awful bit of TV. Its emphasis on fine bodies, scenic locales, and (lest it be forgotten) perfect hair didn\u2019t elevate it to \u201cso bad it\u2019s good\u201d status (a la \u201cCop Rock\u201d); the show was, to be blunt, a big bore.<\/span><\/p>\n

Admittedly, there were some blessedly kitschy episodes: the disco-intrigue show that guest-starred future schlock-erotic moviemaker Zalman King (The Red Shoe Diaries<\/em>); the women\u2019s prison episode costarring low-budget icons Shirley Stoler and Sally Kirkland; an earlier babes-behind-bars outing in which a pre-\u201cLove Boat\u201d Lauren Tewes implores the Angels to rescue her sister from a harsh prison run by Warhol\/Corman veteran Mary Woronov\u2014a prison also inhabited by future Oscar winner Kim Basinger. And the series featured not only the requisite \u201970s guest appearance by Sammy Davis Jr. (playing twins!), but also a dramatic turn (if you can call it that) by Dean Martin as a gambler who falls in love with Sabrina Duncan (Kate Jackson).<\/span><\/p>\n

Aside from this handful of gems (sprinkled throughout the show\u2019s five seasons), \u201cCharlie\u2019s Angels\u201d fell flat as trash TV. The reason? Successful exploitative entertainment is created by people who are either entirely honest about what they\u2019re doing (in the unrepentently sleazy manner of professional wrestling) or blissfully unaware of how bizarre their creation actually is (the patron saint of this sort of misguided brilliance being the legendary Edward D. Wood Jr.). \u201cCharlie\u2019s Angels\u201d had a sterile approach that contrasted sharply with its reputation as the foremost example of \u201cjiggle TV.\u201d Having been a teenager during that period, I can assure you that sexier situations cropped up in any random installment of the \u201cBattle of the Network Stars\u201d (to wit: Heathers Locklear and Thomas locked in a carnival-style dunk tank wearing flimsy swimsuits).<\/span><\/p>\n

But while Aaron Spelling was busy dispensing tedium on TV in the 1970s, certain low-budget filmmakers were ensuring that drive-ins and grindhouses contained some genuine \u201cjiggle,\u201d producing sincerely strange entertainment on a regular basis. Such a man was Ted Mikels, who continues to ply his trade today, turning out ultra-low-budgeted features with eye-catching titles and very unusual behavior. In 1973, Mikels made The Doll Squad<\/em>, considered by many to be the inspiration for \u201cCharlie\u2019s Angels,\u201d as it contains a crack team of glamorous female operatives, a well-connected male boss, and a \u201csmart\u201d team leader named Sabrina.<\/span><\/p>\n

Mikels has never harped on the connection between the two (first spotted by cult-movie fanatics); in fact, he goes so far as to downplay it in interviews. When I spoke to him at the Chiller Theatre convention in the late 1990s, he amiably stated that \u201cI never once thought of pursuing litigation\u2026 I can sit down and dream up new stories like that\u2026As fast as my fingers can snap, I can give you a premise for a new story just like it. There are a lot of people who have ideas\u2026maybe it just so happened that the powers-that-be [behind \u201cCharlie\u2019s Angels\u201d] had seen [The Doll Squad<\/em>] or its script.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Mikels\u2019 movie may not have been the source for \u201cCharlie\u2019s Angels,\u201d but it does have its own special charms, including a catchy, typically \u201970s horn-driven musical soundtrack and a supporting turn by the ever-vivacious Tura Satana (star of Russ Meyer\u2019s Faster! Pussycat! Kill! Kill!<\/em>). The plot finds a group of six, not three, female agents invading the island stronghold of ex-government agent Eamon O\u2019Reilly (swarthy Michael Ansara, best known for working on ex-wife Barbara Eden\u2019s \u201cI Dream of Jeannie\u201d). O\u2019Reilly intends to use bubonic plague to conquer the world\u2014unless he can be stopped by our bodysuit-clad, machine-gun-totin\u2019 heroines (who are, by the way, quite nicely coiffed as well).<\/span><\/p>\n

The most surprising thing about The Doll Squad<\/em> is that this flashy little number is by far the least of Ted Mikels\u2019 efforts of the period. The plotline is doted on at length (always a mistake in low-budget espionage dramas with shapely female leads), and when the all-out action sequences finally do arrive, the visuals are incredibly dark. This is most likely due to the fact that much of the film\u2019s closing action was shot in one night, on which Ted had the temporary loan of a real machine gun (thus, the actresses are actually blasting away with the same weapon).<\/span><\/p>\n

Ted\u2019s most unusual, and infinitely rewatchable, movies are a trio of no-budget wonders that belong in the video collection of any serious student of outre cinema. The Astro Zombies<\/em> (1968), coscripted by \u201cM*A*S*H\u201d\u2019s Wayne Rogers, stars John Carradine as\u2014natch\u2014a mad scientist, and Tura Satana as a Dragon Lady criminal mastermind. Tura is one of many individuals looking to snatch Carradine\u2019s secret of bringing cadavers back to life with solar energy (don\u2019t ask). The horrendous creatures he resurrects are incarnated by stunt men wearing dimestore skull masks, so a good time is had by all. The Corpse Grinders<\/em>, Ted\u2019s best-known horror outing (which outgrossed several Hollywood studio features in 1970), concerns a failing cat food company that discovers a new ingredient for its product\u2014human flesh.<\/span><\/p>\n

This fanboy\u2019s favorite Mikels\u2019 opus, however, is the redoubtable Ten Violent Women<\/em> (1979). Ted\u2019s most loosely-plotted picture (loose scripting being a supreme virtue in exploitation cinema), Women concerns a group of female miners (!) whose jewel heists and drug deals land them in prison. Once there, we witness the requisite staples of the women-in-prison genre (making this the most lurid film Mikels ever made) as the girls engage in shower catfights, evade the lustful warden,and endure a bizarre paint-can-on-the-head torture session. They eventually escape to safety\u2014and the waiting arms of Arab oil sheiks (again, don\u2019t ask).<\/span><\/p>\n

Mikels\u2019 movies always have a preponderance of female leads. This is not only because Ted is fascinated by the ladies\u2014\u201cI\u2019ve always had a deep, deep feeling about females,\u201d he notes\u2014but because he had a number of them living with him for a period of about a dozen years in the 1970s and \u201980s. Dubbed Castle Ladies, for Ted\u2019s former castle-like Glendale, CA. residence, the women were aspiring filmmakers who lived with Ted and served as the crew–and cast–of his films. \u201cI had this big place, and I thought, well, I could bring them in and help them improve their life\u2026It was mostly those who had expressed an interest in making film that would come to the castle, and I would teach them.\u201d Ted is reticent to talk about his personal involvement with the 60-70 women who lived in his home during this period, but will admit that \u201cthey did have a commitment to me. If they lived with me and I took care of them and cooked for them and paid the bills and all that, they were not to have involvements with other men\u2026They didn\u2019t owe me anything, they didn\u2019t have to sleep in my room, my bed\u2026.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

The Castle Lady period of Ted\u2019s life is now over\u2014although it does loom large in his legend (when traveling in public, the women referred to themselves as Ted\u2019s \u201cwives\u201d). But Ted has kept women in the forefront of his productions. The latest manifestation of this femme-mania is a wild outing titled Apartheid Slave Women\u2019s Justice<\/em>. Shot on videotape, the feature is a race-relations allegory about a kangaroo court of black South African women who capture and try their former \u201cmaster,\u201d played by Mikels. The women deliver wildly melodramatic speeches as they kick the hell out of Ted, frequently stepping on him in high heels; the kicks are accompanied by a rather amusing videogame-like \u201cdoink! doink!\u201d sound that seems to grow on one as the video progresses. The proceedings are sporadically interrupted by exterior shots of African dancers, a rainswept street, and unexplained scenes of black people eating\u2014and then it\u2019s back to Ted\u2019s beating and more speeches.<\/span><\/p>\n

Mikels insists that he has always worked clean, not wanting to leave his family with \u201ca legacy of distaste\u201d; thus, even movies with wonderfully lurid titles like Blood Orgy of the She Demons<\/em> are essentially G-rated. Apartheid<\/em> doesn\u2019t depart too much from this philosophy\u2014except for the fact that a good deal of the time the proceedings resemble a trample-fetish video. However, in an era when Hollywood entertainment\u2014 Charlie\u2019s Angels<\/em> included\u2014is remarkably predictable, Mikels\u2019 work still comes as a cold slap in the face. Apartheid\u2019s oddly discordant tone, jarring juxtapositions, and the fact it features long stretches of a cult moviemaker laying on what is presumably the floor of his own house being kicked (\u201cdoink! doink!\u201d) by actresses who also worked in his crew, make it a highly recommended item that\u2019s worthy of cult adoration and academic study (and possible Freudian analysis) in \u201cIncredibly Strange\u201d pop culture classes of the future. Take that, Aaron Spelling\u2026<\/span><\/p>\n

c. 2000, 2013 Ed Grant<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

(First published on time.com and used with the written permission of the author and publication of first instance.) By Ed Grant Now that the superslick, pastel-colored, amply-budgeted, big-screen rendition of \u201cCharlie’s Angels\u201d has been released, the time has come to re-evaluate the television series that inspired the movie, and set off the gals-with-big-guns-and-even-bigger-hair trend for […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"parent":217,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"templates\/template-sidebar-none.php","meta":{"saved_in_kubio":false,"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-208","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"kubio_ai_page_context":{"short_desc":"","purpose":"general"},"yoast_head":"\nAstro Zombies, Doll Squads, and Corpse Grinders: The Wild World of Ted V. 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